Fresh Vision - A New Path by Kimi Miller

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us to develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.” Romans 5:3-4

I don’t know about you, but most times, when I’m in the middle of “yuck”, it’s hard for me to rejoice.  I want to be able to.  I want to stand confidently in my faith knowing God will pull me through this. But sometimes, that’s really hard for me.

I know that as a believer in Christ Jesus, my sin has been forgiven.  The wall that once separated me from the true God has been torn down, destroyed because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.  Because of this, nothing can separate me from God’s love.  “Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow – not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love” (Rom 8:38). 

But sometimes, when I’m in the middle of my yuck, I start rebuilding that wall all over again in my mind.  As I look at the scattered stones from the wall Jesus destroyed – stones that represent my poor choices, my ugly attitude, my selfishness, my pride – my sin – I hear the enemy telling me to pick them back up. 

And in these moments of brokenness, sometimes I do. 

I pick up each stone, and relive that moment with all of its hurt and shame.  I put each stone on top of the other until this “mental” wall is rebuilt.  And then, I sit on one side, and God sits on the other… or at least that is the image the devil wants me to see.

The truth is, the wall is still destroyed.  I’ve only rebuilt it in my mind.

To have a fresh vision – a vision focused on Jesus – I cannot continue building this wall.  It will only block my eyes from seeing the true beauty of myself in Christ.

Instead, I must take all of these “mental blocks” captive and make them obedient to Christ.  I cannot simply set them aside, because they will still be there.  I cannot use these stones to build a wall between myself and my past, because it would prevent me from seeing and remembering all that Christ has saved me from. 

So what do I do with these scattered stones? 

I lay them flat behind me.  When placed on the ground next to one another, they no longer tower over me, preventing me from seeing past them.  They no longer obstruct my view of what’s in front of me, nor do they hinder my view of what’s behind me. 

Instead, they lay out a path behind me.  A path that symbolizes the problems and trials He has helped me to overcome.  A path that reminds me of who I used to be and where I once was, but by the grace of God, I’m not any longer. 

Now, when I look ahead, I can see clearly the cross before me, and the fresh vision of my Savior.  And this my friends, is reason to rejoice!

Dearest Jesus,

Thank you so much for your sacrifice.  Often times in the moment of my struggles, I forget to keep my eyes on you.  My vision is blocked because of my mental defeat.  Instead, Father, I ask for your help.  Please help me to take captive every though and make it obedient to you.  Be with me today, Lord, and grant me courage to finally lay these stones down behind me, and press forward into You.
In Your Precious and Holy Name,
Amen

Finding The Gift

“Your approval means nothing to me,” John 5:41

I’m not even exactly sure how or why I tried out for the play that sophomore year in high school.  I can’t remember if my friend was auditioning and talked me into it, or if after watching the play the previous spring, I was just drawn to it.  Either way, somehow, I found the courage to audition, and landed a small part in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”; I’d rather not say which role… (okay, it was the part of the floozie that crawled through the window – but don’t judge, okay?)

Somehow though, being up on that stage, I “came alive”.  It was there that I was more comfortable than any other place I knew.  I was not – am not – the best actor, but something about it came naturally to me, and it made me feel like I’d finally found something I was good at. 

I continued acting up through my senior year and was excited to land the part of Meg in “Crimes of the Heart” (again, don’t judge).  The other two roles were played by my (amazingly talented) friends and the three of us lit up the stage.  The drama teacher even requested that we be judged by the state!  It was, well, pretty freaking awesome!  J

And then the feedback from the judges came in.

Please don’t get me wrong, it was all fantastic!  In fact, I don’t think there were any negative comments at all – except one.

One brief statement made out of observation from a woman I did not even know.

One brief statement that took something I enjoyed more than anything, and made it into something I never wanted to do again.

“She’s [me] obviously been told she’s a good actor.”

Wow.  Is that what people thought of me?  That I was haughty and overconfident? 

Man.  That hurt.

The hardest part about those words was that they left me feeling guilty and undeserving about finding something that brought me to life.  I didn’t want people to think I was proud or arrogant, I mean, I was just doing what I loved.  But if they did not approve, I didn’t want any part of it.

I stepped down from my “acting” career, and vowed to never take the stage again.

******

Fast forward a few years and you would find me sitting in the top row (I’m talking nosebleed section!) at a Women of Faith conference.  The music was amazing and the speakers were incredible.  Clearly God was using these women as His instruments to reach the hearts of all who were present.

That was the first time in a long time that I felt something stir inside me. Something that said, “That is what you were made for…”

******

Nearly ten years beyond that, God gave me a vision - I was on stage, speaking to an audience, and as I looked down, I saw my husband, Mike, with my two boys sitting in the front row.  (Now, if I may digress briefly, let me clarify I was in no way, shape or form a poster child for God!  I was dirtied by my own past choices - soiled by selfish decisions and destructive actions.  But God wanted me to see beyond that!  Even though that was my past, it wasn’t what God intended for my future.  God wanted to use me!  When He looked at me, He saw a woman He could use for His purpose and His glory.  I just had to believe Him.)

It took over twelve years for me to get over someone else’s opinion and find the courage to get back on stage.  Twelve years for God to gently remove layers of hesitation and doubt about my gift. Twelve years for me to realize man’s opinion didn’t matter- His did.

When I finally took to the stage again, it was out of obedience – not for man’s approval, but for God’s.  I had written and performed a monologue about depression for our women’s church retreat.  When I was up there, something (some One) made me “come alive” again.  Not because of what I did, but because of what He was able to do through me.

God designed me for a purpose.  He designed all of us for a purpose – His purpose! Each of us has gifts and talents - things that come so naturally to us that we rarely recognize them as such – to be used in ways that bring God and His Son all the honor and glory.  The cool thing is when we use our gifts for Him, we soon learn that we are the ones receiving the greatest gift.  A gift of love and approval from the only One who matters.

Dear God,

Thank you, Father, for designing me just as you wanted - with skills and talents to be used to serve your people!  Please, Lord, use me as an instrument to further your kingdom.  Help me to be submissive to your call in my life.  Rid me of any desire to seek man’s approval, but instead let me only be consumed by passion for yours.  Please, Jesus, keep me humble and obedient so I might one day stand before you and hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
In Your holy name,
Amen

The House

“Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

I wish I could tell you that I was standing on my faith as sure as it was a stone itself, but lately my faith has felt more like one of those bouncy houses – solid until I want to take a step, or someone else walks around me, and then I’m struggling to keep my balance.  I’ve even felt that if someone flipped a switch, my faith would deflate – leaving me hopeless – sunken in a pile of plastic tarp and netting – a horrific trap in itself! 

You see, Mike and I have dreamed of living in the country – far enough away from everyone else that going home would be like a retreat – no cars, no neighbors – just the trees, the grass, and the wind.  A place where our boys could begin making memories to come “home” to.  A place that was “ours”.  A place that was permanent.  I mean, now that we are retired from the military, I want to find that “home”… our home. 

It’s not that we live in a horrible place now – on the contrary, we live in a beautiful home, and we have fantastic neighbors!  So, even dreaming for more – let alone asking God for more – left me feeling…”chumpish” – shallow really.  Like I wasn’t appreciative of all the blessings God has already generously bestowed upon us.

I know in my heart I can ask God for anything.  Sometimes He answers “yes”, sometimes “wait”, and sometimes He answers “no”.  But if you don’t ask the question, you don’t get an answer.  So before I asked for, I asked why.

Why did I want these things – this “new” house in the country?

I wrestled with that question.  I talked to God about it – even out loud at times (only in my car of course – where no one else could hear!) for a long time. 

You see, I felt bad, because I was asking God for a house in the country when I had a perfectly good roof over my own head.  I felt shallow because I knew there were far greater miracles for God to perform than granting my “house in the country” desire.  In all my ranting, I was also telling God why he probably shouldn’t give me what I was asking for – because in comparison it probably wasn’t something with which I should be troubling Him. 

So I talked and talked and talked, and finally ran out of things to say to God.  When I was finally able to quiet my soul and listen, His Spirit gently reminded me that it was okay.

It was okay for me to want a house in the country, that would be permanent, and a place for the boys to make memories – those desires are not bad!  And it was okay for me to talk to Him about it!  He WANTS me to talk to Him about those things! 

Maybe the rest of the world thinks I’m foolish to ask for such desires, but God says it’s okay.  He says it’s okay, because He knows those things are important to me.  And unlike myself, God does not compare me with others.  He looks at me for me. 

In these quiet moments I share with my Father, I feel my faith growing firmer – not solid, but steady.  Not because I think He will give me what I want, but because I’m learning that it’s okay for me to be myself with Him.  His love remains the same. 

“Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” (The Message)

I don’t know what will happen with “our” house in the country.  Maybe someday we will move there and maybe not.  But this idea of “moving” did move me.  It released me from worry’s powerful grip, and moved me closer to Him.

Dear Father,

Thank you for your Son’s sacrifice - that I may come to you just as I am with the things weighing on my heart.  Thank you for hearing my prayers, and answering them.  Even when the answer is hard for me to accept, you are still there offering your peace.  I’m so grateful for your presence and faithfulness in my life.
Amen

Join the Party

“’The other brother was angry and would not go in. His father came out and begged him,’”

Luke 15:28

 

I actually started this particular piece seven months ago, and it was originally titled, “Score Keeping”, but even as I look at this soul verse this morning, there is so much more to it than I can put into words. 

Often times when we hear the story of the prodigal son, we are reminded about the brother who left home, squandered all of his inheritance, and returned home where his father ran to meet him on the road.  The story is one of hope, love, acceptance and almost unfathomable forgiveness.   For the older brother, forgiveness was unfathomable.

 The scripture states, “The other brother was angry and would not go in. His father came out and begged him, but he replied, ‘All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends.  Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!’  His father said to him, ‘Look dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours. We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he has found!’” (v. 28-84)

How many times have we missed out on the party because of bitterness in our own hearts? 

How many times have we opted out of relationships because in comparison, we contributed much more than the other person?  I mean, why should they get anything – especially a glimpse of my joy – when they don’t deserve it?

How many times have we lost opportunities to live because we would rather plead our case, then trust The One who already knows our case – and loves us still?  Even in those moments when we think we know more than Him – those moments when we cry out, “But didn’t you see what he did? How can you show him the same (or even more) affection as me?”  And our Father gently replies, “Because everything I have is yours.  You need only accept it.” 

In those moments, when we compare ourselves to others, we are the ones who become trapped.  And being trapped in the net of comparison is never what God intended for us.  The more we struggle with it, the more tangled and exhausted we become.  And before we know it, we’ve tired our souls and robbed ourselves of freedom.  We’ve become depleted – tousled and betrayed by our own self-righteousness.

And yet, even in this condition, God comes out to meet us.  He begs us, “Come. Come to the party.”

What incredible and almost unfathomable love and forgiveness our Father bestows upon us.  Even when we are still so unappreciative and undeserving.   

What party are you missing out on?  Why?  What is keeping you from going in?

Take a good hard look at your life, and ask God to reveal those answers to you.  Ask Him, too, for the courage and strength to accept what it is, so you can begin releasing yourself from that which ensnares you.

When I look at my own life and the mercy and grace Jesus has granted me, I would be a fool not to embrace it!  I cannot imagine opting out of the greatest celebration I have ever known.  No, if I am going to be stubborn about anything it would be to stay AT the party until my Father calls me home.

 

Dearest Father,

Thank you so much for inviting us to this grand party called life!  Please forgive us for the moments our stubborn pride prevents us from all you have to offer.  Open our eyes and reveal to us those areas where bitterness harbors.  Free us, Lord.  Wash over us and grant us a taste of the greatest celebration we will ever know – Your unfailing and endless love.
In Your precious Son’s name,
Amen

Some Things Take Time

"Then Moses took the anointing oil and anointed the Tabernacle and everything in it, making them holy." Lev 8:10

 

I sat there in church with my mind wandering to my ever growing list of errands to do that day.  I knew I should have been listening to my pastor, but somewhere between the opening comments and the meat of the message, my brain meandered over to the meat counter at the local supermarket and began compiling the list of brats, hamburger, steaks, and a dozen other items I needed to pick up for the week. 

It wasn’t that I wasn’t interested in the sermon… I mean, I was there, right?  Surely I would not make the effort to be there if I wasn’t interested?  Would I?

And then I realize how often I take for granted the “ease” of coming before my God.  Too often I take for granted the ability given to me – through the blood of Jesus Christ – to be in relationship with the One who created everything!  To share with him my thoughts and my fears, to be “real” with Him – in a way that I’m not with anyone else, and yet, how easily I am distracted by the things of this world.

Reading through Leviticus, I am reminded about the great lengths and practices Moses and the Israelites had to perform to be near the presence of God.  Moses had to anoint everything in the Tabernacle, and then perform entire rituals for Aaron and his sons - while everyone watched!   Can you imagine how long all of that must have taken?  I use the excuse that these things had never been done before, so certainly it was easier for that congregation to stay focused – I mean, they must have been in awe over EVERYTHING!

So what happened to me?  Where did I lose my sense of awe and wonder and amazement at being able to approach the King’s throne – whenever I wanted?  When did going to church change from an invitation to worship with fellow believers to an obligation?  How do I so quickly take for granted the gift of God’s communion?

Could it be, whether I wish to admit it or not, that the world – with its external demands and eye-catching lures – somehow persuaded me to buy the lie that Jesus’ sacrifice was not a big deal?  I mean, with everything at our fingertips and access to virtual reality, doesn’t it make it easier to think, “Yeah, of course I can go to God – He’s right there.”  I’m not sure if that’s how it happened or not, but I am sure that is what the devil would have me think. 

That kind of pride prevents me from coming anywhere close to God.  And apart from God is exactly where the adversary wants me to be - blinded by pride – left weak and vulnerable.

When I was a “baby Christian” (new believer), I spent most of my time reading through the New Testament.  It made the most sense to me, and was easier to understand.  But it wasn’t until I started walking through the Old Testament that I really began to comprehend the magnitude of God’s love. 

When you study the rituals and practices of the Israelites, and all they had to do, just to be near God’s presence, it’s no wonder it took time!  This was, and is, the Most High God – the King of Kings!  And they were lowly humans wanting to catch a glimpse of His glory, and yet they were so unworthy.

Just like us.

How truly blessed we are to have Jesus.  An innocent lamb - slaughtered for us - for our "right" to go before the King without shame or guilt or ritual. 

To approach the Father with nothing more than a repentant heart and belief in His son.

When I think of it that way, I am deeply embarrassed.  I am embarrassed by my pride, and reminded that my attitude instead should be one of gratitude.  Spending time with God reveals these things to me (of course it’s going to take time!), and I am so thankful that He wants to anoint every part of me – just as Moses anointed the tabernacle and everything in it!  I am humbled to think God would go to such great lengths to be in closeness with me.  How could I be anything else?

 

God,

I am humbled that I can come before You – that the sacrifice of Your son, Jesus, grants me the privilege to do so.   Thank You for loving me enough to make a way for us to be together.  Help me to never take that for granted.  Continue to cleanse and anoint me.  Help me to live my life in such a way that only glorifies You.  Thank You for hearing my prayer.  Thank You.  Thank You. Thank You.
I ask all of this in Your name,
Amen

What To Do When I am Mad

“Don’t sin by letting your anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent.” Psalm 4:4

     I was angry.  Not just angry, but ugly angry.  I wanted to give that guy a piece of my mind.  He had ticked me off, and I wanted him to know it…

     How many of us have done or said something in the heat of anger, that we later deeply regretted?  

     Anybody with me?  

     David instructs us with these words in Psalm 4:4, “Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent,” (NLT).  Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:26, “And don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives foothold to the devil,” (NLT). 

So…what am I supposed to do?  Be quiet and ignore my anger?  Sleep on it?  Not sleep on it? Oh, the choices to make on this side of heaven…

     Luckily, we can know what to do with our anger, and while these passages may seem as if they are contradicting to one another, a closer look in the Word reveals they are very complimentary.

     One thing they both have in common, and one we must understand, is that they tell us that in our anger we must not sin.  Neither one says we cannot be angry.  Anger is simply an emotion; however, when we give into our emotions, and let them drive our behavior – that’s when we are most likely led to sin. 

     In Psalm 4:4, David, tells us to think about it overnight and remain silent. Now, I don’t know about you, but often times, the more I think about something that ticks me off, the more angry I become!  So, how could thinking about it make things better?  But notice David says, think about it overnight. Overnight?  Overnight?!   Yes…overnight.  You see, during the night, it is dark and difficult to see – we certainly cannot see things clearly; yet, in the morning, at the first break of dawn, the sun casts its brilliant light into the shadows to help us see things differently – beyond the boundaries of the darkness, where we can discover truth.

     We are also instructed in Philippians 4:8, “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise,” (NLT).  Perhaps, it is not our anger that we are to think about or dwell on.  I believe David is telling us to think about the truth.  What really happened, and what is it that we are really angry about?  Are we angry because someone has sinned against us – wronged us?  And if that is the case, what does Jesus instruct us to do?  Have we ourselves, not sinned against God? 

     And yet, He offers forgiveness.

     Maybe that is why David also tells us to remain silent.  Proverbs 29:11 says, “Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back,” (NLT).   Even Job cried out, “Teach me, and I will be silent; make me understand how I have gone astray.” Job 6:24 (NLT).  I think that is why we can learn so much, when we shut up and listen – especially when the voice we are listening to and for, is the voice of God – the Light that comes overnight – piercing through the darkness with rays of hope.   Perhaps David’s words are best captured through the English Standard Version for us to understand, “…ponder in your own hearts on your own beds, and be silent.”  

     I believe this is what Paul is telling us to do, too, when he warns us, “And don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.”  He is not telling us to quickly get in an apology, or to dismiss our anger, or sweep it under the rug.  He is telling us to deal with it.  To make it right with God and in our hearts before the darkness settles in around us – before we allow the darkness in that shadows the truth. 

     The moment we allow our anger to breed in the dark, the uglier and more dangerous it becomes.  It begins to grow and consume us.  No, we must not allow the sun to set on our anger.  Instead, we must persevere by surrendering our thoughts to the only One who can pull us through - the One who is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable – the One who is excellent and praiseworthy.    That is why we are instructed to remain silent, and to think about it, because only Jesus can instruct us on the appropriate way to respond.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for your Word.  Thank you for revealing more and more to me, as I spend time with you each day.  Your Word is my daily bread, and I am humbled that you would share it with me.  May your Spirit continue to grow in me in such a way that only point to you.
I ask this in your precious name,
Amen

Leave Everything?

“So Levi got up, left everything, and followed him.” Luke 5:28

Many times when my children ask me to come over and look at something, or help with something, my response is often, “Okay, one minute, let me first finish – fill in the blank – and then I’ll be right there.”  In my reading this morning, I’m reminded that when Jesus asked his disciples to come and follow him, they responded immediately.  They dropped everything and followed Jesus.  Sometimes, I often skim over this verse and think, “Well, of course they left everything to follow Jesus!  It was Jesus!” But isn’t this the same Jesus that calls me to follow him today? 

I mean, it doesn’t say, “First Levi went back to take care of…” or “Simon then tied up his boat and sold his fishing nets so he would have enough money to journey with Jesus.”  It simply says, they left EVERYTHING and followed Jesus. 

A couple of years ago, my dear soul sista advised me to pray and find one word that I feel God is asking me to focus on throughout the year.  This year, my word is “Follow”.  That’s it.  Just follow.  It’s probably no coincidence then that I would land on this verse this morning.  But what does it look like today, in the year 2013, to leave everything and follow Jesus?

I have to admit, this sounds harder to me than I want to confess.  I mean, leave everything?  How would I survive?  How would my family make it?  What about my house, my car, my job?

I’ve often heard it said the devil’s in the details.  Boy, doesn’t that sum it up?  I mean, the devil wants me to fret and worry about the “how to’s” – what I will do, where money will come from, how it will work out – because if I’m focusing on those things, it paralyzes me from doing anything – especially following Jesus. 

How many of us really abandon everything and follow Jesus when he calls us to do so?  If you are anything like me, your response is probably similar to the one I give my kiddos.  “Okay, one minute, Jesus, first let me clean the kitchen,” or “One second, let me first wrap this up,” or “Jesus, you can’t possibly mean me. Let me clean myself up first.  Then you can use me.”  And we get caught up in the distractions and doubts, and instead of leaving everything, we continue pushing the call farther and farther away, until the devil convinces us that it’s too late to respond.

But it is never too late for God!  God doesn’t measure our days by the clock on our wall or the watch on our wrist.  He measures it through moments. 

What if now is our moment?  What if now is when Jesus is calling us to follow him?

Does the thought seem overwhelming to you?  Because, if I’m one hundred percent honest… it does to me.  I wish I could just say, “You got it! Easy-peasy, Jesus.  You asked me to follow, so here I go!”  But then I wonder, what does this mean?  Does it mean I’m supposed to quit my job?  Give everything away?  Move?

And that is what overwhelms me – the not knowing.  Not knowing for certain what Jesus is asking me to do.  And the not knowing comes from not spending time with Him.  Because, if you have spent any time at all with God, you know that when the Spirit is prompting you to do something – He doesn’t usually let you forget it!  So in those moments when I am feeling overwhelmed, the best thing I can do is spend some quiet time with my Dad.  To follow Him to a quiet spot, and share with Him my concerns, my fears, and my doubts.  

What I’ve learned that in those moments, is that God is an amazing listener, and when I spend more and more time with Him, he teaches me to become a good listener, too.  “Follow me,” He says, “listen and learn by my example.”

Maybe that means when Jesus sits down to eat “with such scum” (Luke 5:30), I follow him…and I share the Bread of Life with them.

Maybe that means when Jesus reaches out to heal the leper (Luke 5:13), I follow him…and I offer my hand to them.

Maybe that means when Jesus withdraws to lonely places (Luke 5:16), I follow him…and I pray with Him.

What God whispers to me is different than what He whispers to you.  But I think the underlying message to each of us is probably the same.

“Follow me,” He says.

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for your example.  Thank you for leading me, and guiding my steps.  Help me to stay close to you, so that I know your voice and what it is you are calling me to do.  May I be a good and faithful servant, trusting in you always.  Thank you for hearing my prayer.
In you precious name,
Amen