The House

“Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

I wish I could tell you that I was standing on my faith as sure as it was a stone itself, but lately my faith has felt more like one of those bouncy houses – solid until I want to take a step, or someone else walks around me, and then I’m struggling to keep my balance.  I’ve even felt that if someone flipped a switch, my faith would deflate – leaving me hopeless – sunken in a pile of plastic tarp and netting – a horrific trap in itself! 

You see, Mike and I have dreamed of living in the country – far enough away from everyone else that going home would be like a retreat – no cars, no neighbors – just the trees, the grass, and the wind.  A place where our boys could begin making memories to come “home” to.  A place that was “ours”.  A place that was permanent.  I mean, now that we are retired from the military, I want to find that “home”… our home. 

It’s not that we live in a horrible place now – on the contrary, we live in a beautiful home, and we have fantastic neighbors!  So, even dreaming for more – let alone asking God for more – left me feeling…”chumpish” – shallow really.  Like I wasn’t appreciative of all the blessings God has already generously bestowed upon us.

I know in my heart I can ask God for anything.  Sometimes He answers “yes”, sometimes “wait”, and sometimes He answers “no”.  But if you don’t ask the question, you don’t get an answer.  So before I asked for, I asked why.

Why did I want these things – this “new” house in the country?

I wrestled with that question.  I talked to God about it – even out loud at times (only in my car of course – where no one else could hear!) for a long time. 

You see, I felt bad, because I was asking God for a house in the country when I had a perfectly good roof over my own head.  I felt shallow because I knew there were far greater miracles for God to perform than granting my “house in the country” desire.  In all my ranting, I was also telling God why he probably shouldn’t give me what I was asking for – because in comparison it probably wasn’t something with which I should be troubling Him. 

So I talked and talked and talked, and finally ran out of things to say to God.  When I was finally able to quiet my soul and listen, His Spirit gently reminded me that it was okay.

It was okay for me to want a house in the country, that would be permanent, and a place for the boys to make memories – those desires are not bad!  And it was okay for me to talk to Him about it!  He WANTS me to talk to Him about those things! 

Maybe the rest of the world thinks I’m foolish to ask for such desires, but God says it’s okay.  He says it’s okay, because He knows those things are important to me.  And unlike myself, God does not compare me with others.  He looks at me for me. 

In these quiet moments I share with my Father, I feel my faith growing firmer – not solid, but steady.  Not because I think He will give me what I want, but because I’m learning that it’s okay for me to be myself with Him.  His love remains the same. 

“Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” (The Message)

I don’t know what will happen with “our” house in the country.  Maybe someday we will move there and maybe not.  But this idea of “moving” did move me.  It released me from worry’s powerful grip, and moved me closer to Him.

Dear Father,

Thank you for your Son’s sacrifice - that I may come to you just as I am with the things weighing on my heart.  Thank you for hearing my prayers, and answering them.  Even when the answer is hard for me to accept, you are still there offering your peace.  I’m so grateful for your presence and faithfulness in my life.
Amen

Join the Party

“’The other brother was angry and would not go in. His father came out and begged him,’”

Luke 15:28

 

I actually started this particular piece seven months ago, and it was originally titled, “Score Keeping”, but even as I look at this soul verse this morning, there is so much more to it than I can put into words. 

Often times when we hear the story of the prodigal son, we are reminded about the brother who left home, squandered all of his inheritance, and returned home where his father ran to meet him on the road.  The story is one of hope, love, acceptance and almost unfathomable forgiveness.   For the older brother, forgiveness was unfathomable.

 The scripture states, “The other brother was angry and would not go in. His father came out and begged him, but he replied, ‘All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends.  Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!’  His father said to him, ‘Look dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours. We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he has found!’” (v. 28-84)

How many times have we missed out on the party because of bitterness in our own hearts? 

How many times have we opted out of relationships because in comparison, we contributed much more than the other person?  I mean, why should they get anything – especially a glimpse of my joy – when they don’t deserve it?

How many times have we lost opportunities to live because we would rather plead our case, then trust The One who already knows our case – and loves us still?  Even in those moments when we think we know more than Him – those moments when we cry out, “But didn’t you see what he did? How can you show him the same (or even more) affection as me?”  And our Father gently replies, “Because everything I have is yours.  You need only accept it.” 

In those moments, when we compare ourselves to others, we are the ones who become trapped.  And being trapped in the net of comparison is never what God intended for us.  The more we struggle with it, the more tangled and exhausted we become.  And before we know it, we’ve tired our souls and robbed ourselves of freedom.  We’ve become depleted – tousled and betrayed by our own self-righteousness.

And yet, even in this condition, God comes out to meet us.  He begs us, “Come. Come to the party.”

What incredible and almost unfathomable love and forgiveness our Father bestows upon us.  Even when we are still so unappreciative and undeserving.   

What party are you missing out on?  Why?  What is keeping you from going in?

Take a good hard look at your life, and ask God to reveal those answers to you.  Ask Him, too, for the courage and strength to accept what it is, so you can begin releasing yourself from that which ensnares you.

When I look at my own life and the mercy and grace Jesus has granted me, I would be a fool not to embrace it!  I cannot imagine opting out of the greatest celebration I have ever known.  No, if I am going to be stubborn about anything it would be to stay AT the party until my Father calls me home.

 

Dearest Father,

Thank you so much for inviting us to this grand party called life!  Please forgive us for the moments our stubborn pride prevents us from all you have to offer.  Open our eyes and reveal to us those areas where bitterness harbors.  Free us, Lord.  Wash over us and grant us a taste of the greatest celebration we will ever know – Your unfailing and endless love.
In Your precious Son’s name,
Amen