What's It Taste Like? by Kimi Miller

“Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.” Psalm 34:8

When I was little, my Gramma was always “encouraging” me to try new foods.  Luckily, I had two older sisters to try it first, so I could ask them, “What’s it taste like?”  (Not like their facial expressions and gag reflexes wouldn’t give it away…), but most times, I ended up really liking it.  Older now, I appreciate my Gramma’s encouragement to try  new things…hence my reason for an overflowing plate of EVERYTHING at our life group social the other night!  How will I know if I like something or not, if I don’t try it?

But recently, I discovered something very new to me, and very refreshing.  REAL relationships with real people.  I have mentioned before how God is persuading me to trust HIM and love people, and folks, I gotta tell you, this is the best thing I’ve tasted so far!  Through trusting Jesus, I have found a freedom I’ve never known.  And while I thought my problem was in trusting others, my real issue was trusting myself.   

For those that have known me, it was probably easy to see through my façade.  I often hid behind a plastic smile and cautioned eyes.  I was hesitant to allow anyone too close, because I was afraid if they knew who I was, they wouldn’t like me.  So, I kept everyone at arm’s length. 

But last year, I reached a point where I just couldn’t do it anymore.  And I fell…hard.  Not physically, but emotionally and spiritually.  I had reached the point where I didn’t want to be this “fake” person anymore.  I wanted to know what real was.  And I wanted to feel it.  And I wanted to be it.   

So, I did what most of us do when we are feeling “out of sorts”…I isolated myself.  I disengaged from most of my “church” activities and friends and acquaintances…and family.  But, I walked down this road because I knew that’s where God was leading me.  You see, I had put all of these distractions around me, to keep me from coming too close to the one I was really afraid of…God.  I mean, I knew I was this broken mess, but how could anyone – even God – put me back together and use me for His kingdom?

I knew in my heart it was time to talk to God…about everything.  And not only was it time for me to talk with Him, but most important it was time for me to listen.  I realized I couldn’t hear God, because the noise around me was too loud.  I needed to take some time to just sit in His lap and hear what He wanted to whisper into my heart.  The Bible tells us that, “Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed” (Luke 5:16); I knew this was one of those times when God was asking me to do the same.    

Over the last ten months, although it has been challenging at times, God has transformed my mind…and my heart.  As I began to trust God with small things, He would often reciprocate in the form of love.  He opened my eyes to see people as He sees them – fleshy human beings designed with a hole in their hearts that only He can fill – people longing and looking to be accepted and loved…people just like me. 

As I began to really taste what God wanted me to try, I realized what I had been missing out on…a whole smorgasbord of life!  Through the work He is doing in my heart, God is revealing to me how truly treasured I am to Him.  He has surrounded me with an amazing life group – which really feels more to me like a family.  And He’s opened my eyes to see that what I was looking for all along, was right in front of me – a wonderful church community that will love me and support me in my calling. 

As I rest in His assurance, I see now that God offers us a “taste”, because He knows we will be back for more. 

Oh yes, God is that good!  Taste and see for yourself!  For blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.

Hi Daddy,

Thank you for encouraging me to “taste” Your goodness!  You always have the stuff kids like me enjoy, but even better – what we need.  Please continue the work You have started in me, so others will look at me and only see You.  I love You.
Amen

The Name Game

“He determines the number of the stars and calls them by name.” Psalm 147:4

First, you may have noticed I changed the title of my blog from Daily Devotions to Reflections (actually, for about 10 minutes yesterday morning it was Refelctions before I noticed my typo… a little advice – don’t try typing before your first cup of coffee :) …)  I changed the name, because, if you look at my track record, you’ll see my postings haven’t been exactly “daily”…

Living Reflections is the title of my drama ministry because I want people to catch a glimpse into someone else’s life, or maybe see something deeper in their own.  I want them to see themselves in my art, and reflect on what God is whispering to them through my ministry.  It seemed only fitting that my own “reflections” on my life and God’s Word should be titled the same.  (Anyway, that’s why the name change, in case you were curious… plus I was beginning to get too wrapped up in posting something every day versus something real.  Thanks for letting me ramble… I love you!)

I am fascinated by names.  Now, it doesn’t mean I’m great with names, in fact, I really (REALLY) stink with names.  I don’t know if it’s something that has just gotten worse as I’ve gotten older, or if it’s the fact that I have the attention span of a gnat (I’m guessing it’s the latter of the two). But even though I’m lousy at remembering names, it’s cool to know God isn’t. 

Psalm 147 tells us, “He determines the number of stars and calls them by name.”  Did you catch that?  The stars, people!  If God cares about the names of the stars, how much more He must care for us to call each of us by name.

 I wonder if the unique name of our soul is what the Spirit whispers when we are lost.  Jesus says, “He leads his own sheep by name and leads them out…and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.” (John 10:3,4) He calls us by name, and we know His voice.  How cool is that?! 

This last weekend, at the She Speaks conference I attended, they had posted the many names of God.  After praying over every lady’s name in attendance, they placed her name on the name of God to which they were led.  My name was placed by El Olam – The Eternal God, The Everlasting God.  “The One who works His purpose throughout the ages.”  It made me realize, I am here…for such a time as this.

What is God’s name for you today?  Whatever we need Him to be, He can be for us.  We only need to call out to the One that saves, the Lord of Lords and King of Kings…Jesus.

Dear Daddy,

Thank You for knowing my name.  Thank You for calling out to me in a voice that speaks to my soul, and restores my faith.  Please cover me with Your peace today, and talk with me throughout my day. Help me to listen, Father, to the only voice that matters…Yours.
I ask all of this in Your Holy Name,
Amen

What name does the Father call you by? Cherished? Loved? Chosen? Beloved?  Wouldn't it be cool to catch a glimpse of the names God calls us by?  If you so feel led, please post the name by which God is calling you today.

"Are You There?" by Kimi Miller

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
 

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh?" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you.” ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Every time I read this quote from Winnie-the-Pooh, it touches my heart.  It makes me think of my son, who sometimes, after I have tucked him in bed and have made my way back to the living room to finish my TV show or read my book, hollers out, “Mom?” 

“What do you need, Jacob?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to make sure you were still there. Can you leave the hallway light on?”

Can I be honest with you?  Sometimes, I get annoyed when Jacob asks me this question.

I feel horrible about admitting that, but it’s the truth.  Most times, I’m irritated because I’m so focused on myself and what I’m trying to accomplish, that I don’t want to be interrupted.  And sometimes it’s just because I’m “done” – done with answering questions, done with picking up after everyone, done with a messy house, done with paying for lights left on when no one is in the room, done with myself…just…done.

So, my response is anything but gracious and giving.  Huffy and puffy, I tromp down the hall and flip the switch, “There.” 

“Thanks, Mom.  I love you.”

And that little voice breaks me.  It breaks my selfishness and my huffy-puffy attitude, and reminds me how “big” my son thinks I am, and how small I often feel. 

Humbled, I sigh. “I love you, too, baby.”

I wonder how many times our own “fleshy” reactions influence our image of God?  How many times do we long to be reminded of God’s presence, but are afraid to ask because we fear He will react like we do?  (I mean, He is running the universe here, it’s not like He’s just trying to get back to His TV show or a good book!)  But I often wonder, how many times do our own feelings and our own responses shape in our mind what we think God must surely be thinking?  And even though I know God LOVES to hear from me and be with me, sometimes, it’s hard to believe.

I wonder if I am the only one who sometimes wonders if God is “done” with me.  Not “done” like in a good way – like, “Finally she’s got it!”, but more of a “done” like I get with my own kids, like, “Really? We need to have this conversation again?! I just told you this! You’re killing Me, Smalls!” 

But I know that is not true. 

For my God promises that He is with me, and for me.  It pleases Him to know I long for Him – that I want nothing more than to know He is near!  (Now, I’m not saying that He probably hasn’t rolled His eyes at me, or held His head in His hand while sighing heavily at me from time to time, but I know He’s not done with me.)  He is with me wherever I go.  Always present, always loving, and forever patient, even when I just need Him to turn the Light on for me…just to be sure.
 

Dear Father,

Thank you for being an amazing Dad.  Thank you for never losing your temper with me, and for always answering when I call.  Thank you for being patient enough to reassure me of Your love – every time I need it (because sometimes I’m pretty needy).  Please help me to believe, even when it feels like I can’t.
I love you.
Amen

Nervous Nelly

“Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.”  Philippians 4:6 (The Message)

My husband and I often refer to our fat lab, Molly, as “Nervous Nelly”.  She is always fidgety and anxious, and if she even thinks she’s missing out on something, she starts to bark and squirm in a nervous tapping dance. Every morning, when I put on my walking shoes, Nervous Nelly’s anxiety kicks in and the “talking back” and fretful dance begins…

I wonder, how many times do I act like a Nervous Nelly?  How many times do I dance around in a nervous tizzy because I think I know what’s coming?  Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being excited, but there is a problem with being anxious.

Anxiety is defined as distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune.  How many times have I felt distress or uneasiness of mind?  Unfortunately, more times than I care to admit.  Just last night, I found myself struggling to fall asleep because of the worry running through my head – worry about things I had no control over, but things that affected me and the ones I love.  I tossed and turned in my own little worry dance, “barking” internally over the turmoil in my mind.

Then, I thought of this verse, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” 

I realized at that moment there was nothing I could do to change the things that were keeping me awake.  There was nothing I could do or say that would instantly “fix” the problems that twirled in my head and troubled my heart.  The only peace I could find would be found in Christ. 

I had a choice to make at that point.  I could continue to focus on my circumstances and lose myself in fear and doubt, or I could turn to prayer.  I could acknowledge the One greater than myself, the One who sees more than I can envision, knows more than I can imagine, and loves deeper than I can fathom.  I could find rest – if I wanted it – I just had to let go of the counterfeit apprehensions trying to steal my peace.

It’s when we focus on Christ, that we truly begin to see with opened eyes what is in our own capacity to influence and what is not.  I love the way The Message captures this verse, “Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.”  (Phil 4:6, emphasis mine)

When we truly turn our eyes on Jesus, and allow pure admiration and awe of God to consume our thoughts, the weight of our troubles begins to diminish.  Our problems, situations, and circumstances don’t change or disappear… but our worry is replaced by Peace.  Trusting Him to hear our prayers is the only way to find rest for our uneasy mind and broken heart.    

Dear Jesus,

Sometimes it’s difficult for me to trust that You have everything under control, even when I know You do.  Please help me to keep my eyes fixed on You, even when nothing else seems to make sense.  Thank You for hearing the cries of my heart, and listening to prayers.  Please cover me with Your peace so I may find rest for my mind and wellness for my soul. 

In Your Precious Name,

Amen

Potty Mouth

“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” Ephesians 4:29 (NLT)

The joy of potty training.  My little nephew is learning to go “pee-pee” on the potty.  Every hour, my sister runs him to the bathroom, strips him down and puts him on the pot, hoping to catch him before it’s too late.  With great determination and focus, that little boy wills any ounce he can out of himself, and when he is successful, he and his momma shout, “Yay! Pee-pee!”  Oh, the words that encourage!

But how many times do our words do the opposite?  How many times do the expressions from our mouths destroy the joy and hope of others?  How many times, without even thinking, do we allow our tempers or egos to determine what falls from our lips?  While it is true no man can tame the tongue, it doesn’t give us the excuse to be careless with our words.

As a mom of two young boys myself, I can regretfully recall the times I failed to use encouraging words.  I remember seeing the pain in their eyes as my cruel tone and imprudent words crushed their spirit.  I never intended to hurt them – or anyone I loved – but I allowed my emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion to dictate my tongue.  I wanted to give my boys support and build them up, but hasty comments and senseless words often did the opposite. 

It’s incredible to think how much power our words contain.  They can be used to shape and mold a person or situation, and they can be used to tear someone down, or build someone up.  What’s scarier to ponder, is the idea that our words influence those around us, even when they are not directed at that person.  How many times do I speak poorly of others in front of my children – or anyone for that matter?  How many times do I allow garbage to spew from my mouth – like my opinion is the only one that matters?  How many times did God present me with an opportunity to use words that would build, but instead, I chose words that left someone feeling empty and worthless? 

What if instead, I took the time to think about my words before I opened my mouth?  What if I made a point to choose my words more carefully?  What if I truly appreciated the power my words possessed?  What if, in those moments when I’m exhausted, frustrated, hurt, and angry, instead of opening my mouth to let out words of destruction, I bite my tongue?  What if, in those instances, instead of thinking I know best, I shut my mouth and pray instead?

The Bible says, “Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.” Ephesians 4:29 (The Message)  I love the last part of this verse, “each word a gift”.  What if we began choosing our words more meticulously – the way we do when we are choosing a gift for a loved one?  What would our world begin to look like?

If I could give you one gift today, simply by the words I use, would that gift build you up and make you feel encouraged?  If not, what is it in my heart that needs to change?  Jesus said, “But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart…” (Matthew 15:18).  Ouch.

I know it’s difficult to bite our tongues or hold back our frustration, but that is what God is calling us to do.  He has given us the means to support one another and build each other up, just by the power of our words.  Imagine how our words could inspire those around us…even when we think others aren’t listening.  “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Proverbs 16:24.

Dear Jesus,

Please forgive me for the times when my words are unkind.  Please help me to recognize the power of my words and teach me to use only language that encourages and builds others up.  I know I cannot do this on my own, but trust that You will intervene in those moments when I can’t control my own tongue.  Thank You for loving me…potty mouth and all.  Please continue to work in my heart, so that others will see the good work you have started in me.
Amen

I Will Sing, Sing, Sing!

“My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.”  Psalm 108:1

Have you ever belted out the lyrics (or at least what you thought were the lyrics) to a song while driving in your car?  I mean, all out air drums, power mic, scrunched up face – the kind of singing where you’re not just singing the song, you are the song!  And even if you haven’t ever held your own one-man-band solo concert in a car on the highway, you have to admit, when you see someone else doing it, you have to laugh.  Trust me, I’ve seen people’s reactions to my amazing rendition of Air Supply’s, Making Love Out of Nothing At All, at stoplights.  When you see “crazies” like me, harmonizing (I’d like to think that it sounds that way) in their cars, you have to think to yourself, “Dude! That girl (or guy) is really jammin’!”  (What’s even better is when you have the same radio song on in your car and you know exactly what they’re jammin’ to!)

I love those times when I am that carefree, I just let loose and enjoy the moment.  I think that’s the kind of carefree singing and music making David is talking about.  The kind where we don’t really care what others think, because the joy in our soul is so overwhelming, it releases all inhibitions and makes us want to sing.  I think God likes those moments, too.

I know it’s difficult to be joyful when things seem so glum around you.  But I think those are the times when God is singing over us – watching over us, and loving us through it.  Paul writes in Galatians, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (5:22).  Oh, what joy to know the love of the Lord!

I doubt that Jesus queues up his iPod with some cool jams – that’s what the angels are for!  But I bet there is nothing sweeter to His ears than hearing our songs of worship and praise, and our cries for mercy and rescue.  Even if you can’t carry a tune, you have to know this…it all sounds beautiful to Him. 

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for the gift of joy!  Please help me to be carefree - to lay my burdens down and lift Your name up.  Help me to let loose and simply enjoy the moment knowing You are truly in control.  Help me to stop worrying about what others think, so I can sing, sing, sing and make music just for You.
In Your wonderful, amazing name,
Amen. 

While It Is Still Dark

“She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.” Proverbs 31:15

It was still dark this morning when I went for my walk (yup, kind of like it is EVERY morning I go for a walk…), but as I was strolling along – yes, I said strolling...it was the chunky lab’s turn to walk today – I thought of this verse. Now keep in mind, this was one of those mornings when I was really wondering why on earth I was out here in the dark, at five-something in the morning, walking my fat yellow lab!  But as this verse came to mind, I began reflecting about what it means and what it looks like to get up while it is still dark.

How many times have you found yourself in a dark place?  A feeling of hopelessness?  How many times have you found yourself in circumstances that feel as if they are absent of light?  Gloomy, murky, and bleak. 

Maybe for you, it’s easier to ignore the “dark” than to even think about admitting it’s there – let alone attempt walking through it.  Like if you even begin to think about it, you will break and not find the will to face another moment. 

Maybe your conditions are so bad, that you simply exist through the day – not really putting effort into anything, and really wondering how things could ever get better. 

Maybe you are battling an illness that prevents you from doing the things you want.

Maybe you just feel like nobody understands.

Maybe, like me, you battle with depression. 

Or maybe… maybe you just feel “blah”.

This is the “dark” I was pondering about… and yet, “She gets up while it is still dark…”

She doesn’t give up.  She doesn’t stay in bed.  She doesn’t lie there in despair.  She gets up. That kind of strength and courage must only come from God.  I know for me, there’s no other way I could muster through “The Pit”, if it were not for the grace and power of God. 

He said to Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness…” (2 Cor. 12:9). 
 

What if those dark moments are necessary to bring us to our knees?  The moments where we feel so low that getting up is the last thing we want to do - what if those moments are what it takes to bring us to the feet of the Most High King?  Maybe those times are necessary so that everyone who sees us – in our desolation and darkness – knows that it is not by our own strength that we press on, but only by the grace of God. 

Because that is what a woman of faith does.  She gets up while it is still dark – even when there is no break of dawn in the distance, she gets up.  She doesn’t complain about her circumstances, or compare herself to others.  No, she simply gets up, and trusts that there is One who can see through the dark – see her in the midst of her turmoil – and not leave her, but instead guide her through it.  

That’s why, even when others cannot see why, she gets up.

Dear Jesus,
Thank you for being my light in times of darkness. Thank you for your grace that grants me the strength to continue on – even when I think I can’t.  Thank you for your loving presence, and please help me to see You – the light – when darkness settles in.  Thank you for hearing my prayer.
In your precious name,
Amen

Get up!

“Then Jesus said to him, ‘Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.’” John 5:8

Every week day morning my alarm goes off at 5:00 A.M.  signaling me, it’s time to get up and walk the dog (sometimes dogs – yes, I have three.  I know…trust me… I don’t know what we were thinking either!).  Most mornings I am already awake, but sometimes, when the radio clicks on and stirs me from my slumber, the last thing I want to do, is go for a walk. 

I lie there, shut my eyes, and debate with myself about why sleeping for 45 more minutes would be so much better than wrangling my dog away from the rabbits in the neighbors’ yards.  And then I think of this verse.  “Then Jesus said to him, ‘Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.’” Now, I know this is taken completely out of context, but it works for me!

You see, the man was an invalid.  Jesus even asked him, “Do you want to get well?”  And he replied with the excuse – a valid one – that he had no one to help him.  That when he tried to get to the pool, others would go down ahead of him.  That’s when Jesus told him to get up and walk!

How many times do we look to others to help us achieve our goals?  How many times do we use the excuse (maybe not so valid in our cases) that there is no one to help us? 

I gotta be honest.  At 5:00 A.M. there aren’t too many other bodies up and moving around at my house to get my lazy derriere out of bed!  (Except the dog…) 

I guess the point I’m trying to make here is this.  The same spirit that rose Christ from the grave lives in us!  Jesus even says, “I tell you the truth, anyone how has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.” 

Sometimes, we just have to find the courage to step out in faith.  So each morning, sometimes begrudgingly at first, I get out of bed, grab my iPod, leash up the dog and go for a walk.  I think it’s in those moments, that I most clearly hear what God is saying to me.  This time of year, the sun is still rising, and the birds are just stirring, and I can hear Him singing over me, as I admire the beauty of His work around me…and in me.

Dear Father,

Thank you for your encouragement.  Thank you for walking with me – not only in the mornings, but through each moment of my day.  I know you have prepared this day for me; help me to be obedient to your call and bring glory to your name.
Amen   

"Son-kissed"

“‘“The Lord bless and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”’” Numbers 6:24-26

Friday afternoon my boys and I met some friends at the local pool.  It was the first time I’d been to the pool all summer, so I was a blinding florescent white compared to my golden “sistas”.  But white legs and all, it was so great to just relax in the warmth of the sun and good friendship. 

I love summer time!  I love going outside to feel the warm air on my skin and to see the trees big and full of leaves – providing shade to which later I’ll retreat.  But something about summer beckons me outside; outside where it’s warm and inviting and full of life.

What is it about getting a tan that makes me feel better about myself?  Now, I’m not talking about the orange tint you get from a tanning bed, because I’ve tried that, and it’s not quite the same.  I’m talking about that soft brown glow you get from being out in the sun, and those tiny little freckles that get sprinkled across your nose and cheeks.  Maybe it’s just refreshing to be outside taking in some good ol’ vitamin D.  Whatever it is, for me, there’s something rejuvenating about taking in the sun.

Spending time with Jesus does the same thing.  There’s something about sharing time with Him that brings out a ‘glow’ others tend to recognize.  Oh, they may not know exactly where it comes from, but they can tell there is something different about you.  Something attractive.

But if we don’t spend time in the Son, we begin to lose our glow.  We become pasty and white…and a little dull, like the life inside of us is slowly fading.  We become self-conscious about the way we look, and we try to cover it up – even with a “fake” tan if we can.  We get so wrapped up in ourselves and so self-centered, that our outside appearance is more important than our inside character.  And we find ourselves in a place that is cold and lonely, and we wonder how we got so lost.

Don’t let your Son-kissed soul begin to fade!  Spend time today with the One who warms your heart and lifts your spirit.  Let His face shine upon you!  Take in the Son and feel the tenderness of His love.  Step outside and take a breath of fresh air.  Let Him fill up your lungs and give you encouragement and peace for the day ahead.

Dear Father,

Thank you for your presence. Thank you for warming our hearts and bringing us back to life.  Please be with me today; glow through me, so others are drawn to You.
In Your Heavenly Name,
Amen

The First Time

Okay, so this is probably “cheating” in the blogger world, but once you read it you’ll understand why I had to post them.  These are the lyrics to MercyMe’s new song, “The First Time”.  (For those of you who may not know this about me, they are my MOST FAVORITE BAND of all time – even more than a big-hair band from the 80’s!)  Today’s post is dedicated to my ‘ohana group. I love you guys!

(There are also a couple links below: one for a youtube video, so you can listen to the song with lyrics and another about the band’s journey in putting their album, The Hurt and The Healer, together.)

The First Time

Day after day, I try to explain you, like I contain you in so many words
You are the ocean, I'm on the shoreline, thinking I know you like you could
Be learned
It's so amazing, that you'd ever save me
I thought I knew your face, I thought I tasted grace
But I have never felt anything close to this.
Just when I'd seen it all, new mercy breaks the door.
With eyes open wide, it feels like the first time, first time. it feels
Like the first time, first time.
After all of my searching, all of my reaching, I'm left with nothing,
Nothing of worth.
You treasure the broken, over and over, and give me a hope that can never
Be earned.
It's still amazing, that you'd ever save me.
I thought I knew your face, I thought I tasted grace
But I have never felt anything close to this.
Just when I'd seen it all, new mercy breaks the door.
With eyes open wide, it feels like the first time, first time. it feels
Like the first time, first time.
Your beauty, no eyes see. your majesty, your worthy. your love for me, is
Healing, your god.
I thought I knew your face, I thought I tasted grace
But it was nothing like this.
Just when I'd seen it all, new mercy breaks the door.
With eyes open wide, I feel life for the first time, first time. it feels
Like the first time, first time.

Dear Father,

I am forever in awe of You.  Thank You for saving me, and showing new mercy every morning, and the moments that remind me of the first time I met You.
Amen
 

Here the song here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJxw6k_d25Q&feature=related

Read about MercyMe’s album, The Hurt and The Healer, here:  http://www.todayschristianmusic.com/album-promo/mercyme-the-hurt-the-healer/

Loser

“He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.”   Psalm 103:12

I’d done it again.  I’d opened my big mouth without using my “filter” and hurtful words spewed forth.  I was embarrassed and ashamed.  I know no man can control the tongue… but really?  Again?  Ugh.

And that’s how I felt…ugh.  What made it even worse was that my nine year old son, not only noticed, but called me out on it!  That took me straight past “double-ugh” to “ugh-ly”.  And then that feeling just lingered.  It stuck with me through most of the next morning, too. 

And what really bothered me, was that I couldn’t take it back. I couldn’t “un-say” what had been said or call a mulligan. What was done was done. 

I tried to shrug it off as one of those, “Well, it happens” moments, but it continued to nag at me.  I couldn’t ignore it anymore; it was time to deal with it.

Yesterday, I wrote about forgiving others, because I think (or at least hope I’m not alone in thinking) most people do struggle with that.  But how many of us struggle with forgiving ourselves?  How many of us continue to hold onto the garbage from our past to the point we miss out on the “presents” of today?  How many of us choose to be losers?

David writes, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”  Most of us believe that…well, at least we believe that for others.  But why do we often refuse to believe that God can do that for us…personally? 

Or maybe it’s just me?  Maybe I am the one with the pride issue.

Maybe I’m the only one who wallows in my sin, choosing to believe the enemy’s lies that I cannot be forgiven.  Maybe I’m the one choosing to lose out on God’s mercy because I think I’m the one that grace cannot reach.   Maybe I am the loser…because I choose to be.

Christ died for you.  And Christ died for me.  He willingly and obediently shed His blood for the sins He knew I would commit – whether I want to admit them or not.  Sometimes we feel we’ve fallen so far, it’s hard to believe our sins can be forgiven – let alone removed from us as far as the sunrise is from the sunset.  But who are we to say what God can and cannot do? 

And yet…here I am again.  Sitting in that place with which I’ve become too familiar; all the while, choosing to lose out on the best things God has planned for me, because I’m too stubborn to admit that I messed up…again.  Frustrated with myself, and trying to imagine how disappointed He must be with me, too. 

But then I remember what all these years as a loser have taught me.  I am never too far from God that His hand cannot reach down and pick me up when I’ve fallen, rescue me when I’m trapped, or hold me when I’m broken.  There is nothing that can snatch me from His hand.  And when I remember that, then, then, I truly am the loser…the “has-been”.  Because in His hand, I lose my embarrassment, my shame, my guilt, my “ugh-liness”…my sin.  Confessed before Christ, they become removed from me as far as the east is from the west.  And if that’s what it means to know Him and His love, then that is the kind of “loser” I want to be. 

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for loving me enough to die in my place.  Please forgive me for the sins I have committed and the ones I (gulp) have yet to commit.  Help me to remember Your love, and accept the Truth – that Your grace can reach a wretch like me. 
I ask this in Your Holy Name,
Amen

The Drive

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as God forgave you.” Col 3:13

 “Are you kidding me?  There is no way I’m going to forgive her, not after what she did!  She doesn’t care about me.  She only cares about herself.  She’s so selfish and self-absorbed.  She doesn’t think about anyone else!” Grumbling, I slammed the car door, revved the engine, and pulled out of the driveway.

I’d been down this street before, and I knew where I was going.  Turmoil, exit 5.  Frustration, 2 miles ahead.  Anger, next right.  Hurting, straight ahead.  But even knowing what lie ahead, I drove on. 

Have you ever been on this road?   My guess is you have.  In fact, maybe you’ve been down this road so many times, you know all the shortcuts - you bypass all the exits and stops, and race full speed ahead.  You drive on – overanalyzing the situation, digging, searching and finding every piece of evidence that convinces yourself you were right and they were wrong.  You grip the steering wheel tighter, refusing to relinquish any forgiveness to someone so undeserving.   

“Why should I always have to be the one to ‘give in’? It’s not fair!” 

Sound familiar? 

Please tell me I’m not the only one driving down this highway of resentment.  It’s such a difficult road to travel; I’d hate to think I’m alone. I mean, what is it that drives us to un-forgiveness?   What pushes us on into this blurry rush of madness?  And why does it take so much energy to keep the wheel straight – towards the hurting? It’s almost as if we want to naturally pull off this deadly road.

Maybe we are pulled to forgive because somewhere in our soul we know it’s what God is asking of us. “Forgive as I have forgiven you.”  When we resist forgiving others, we are really resisting obedience to God.  We fall victim to the enemy and the trap he’s set before us.  Instead, we drive on, furiously, by-passing any exit or chance of a u-turn and exhausting ourselves in the process.

But what if instead, we decide to not get on that road of un-forgiveness?  What if instead of taking the right turn towards anger and the road of hurt, we took the correct turn? 

I pondered this idea for a while, loosening my grip on the wheel.  I checked my speed…83 mph.  I glanced up in my rearview mirror to see how far I’d gone.  It’s a miracle I didn’t hit anyone else in my manic rage. I knew it was time to turn around, and to make things right.  I slowed down, and signaled my exit.  Even if I didn’t start off on the right road, it didn’t mean I couldn’t find my way back.  And that’s where I needed to go.  Back to forgiveness, back to God, and the grace He bestowed unto me.

Dear God,

Thank you for your forgiveness.  Please help me to forgive others, especially when it’s not easy.  When I can’t find it in my own heart, can you please love them for me? Thank you for your grace; please help me to share that with others.
In Your Name,
Amen

Freedom

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”  John 10:10

Independence Day.  The 4^th of July. Fireworks, BBQs, potato-macaroni salads, Red-White-Blue desserts, friends, and family.

 There is something special about our nation’s birthday - it’s one of the few parties that most people enjoy attending.  Whether celebrating with neighbors, friends, relatives, and even strangers, something about it changes us – if even for a moment.  We relax a little more, smile a little bigger, and laugh a little louder – we share an experience that reminds us what freedom is all about.

But what if every day were like that?  What if we lived each moment of our lives carefree – trusting that there is One who really has it all under control?  Not acting like there is nothing wrong, but accepting life as an experience.  What would we experience if we relinquished our control – or the control we think we have?  Jesus came so we might have life – and live it to the full! He came to bind up the broken-hearted and to set the captives free!  To set us free from our sin, from the bondage of our shame and guilt.  He died for our sins and rose again so we could know and share a relationship with God unlike any other.

I don’t know where you are at this moment in your life.  I know there are loved ones around me who have experienced great loss, and loved ones around me who are left without answers and confused.  I know there is pain, anger, hate, sorrow, loneliness, and malice in this world, but I also know there is One who overcame the world!  He is greater still. 

God sees us in our pain and in our muck, in our sorrow and in our joy.  He knows the moments when we are ready to “throw in the towel” and call it quits, and He shares in the moments of our greatest achievements.  He smiles when we smile, and aches when we ache.  I imagine what we feel is nothing compared to what God feels for us.  Maybe, just maybe, He allows us to experience things that make us feel, so we can begin to know Him.  Maybe He walks with us through those difficult moments, because He knows it will keep us raw and real.  Maybe those moments are what experiencing life is all about. Maybe we are the ones losing when we try to stifle our emotions and experiences; losing a sense of why we are here. 

Life does not come without challenges, but even with those challenges there is growth. And if there is growth there must be life and hope.  That’s the glory of Jesus!  He came to wrap up and mend our broken hearts; if we’d never experienced the pain of a broken heart, how would we ever be able to know the wonder of His healing love?  If we’d never experienced the weight of bondage, how would we know the joy that comes from being made free? 

My “birthday wish” on this 4^th of July is for each of us to rest in that carefree moment.  To take in the joy and laughter of friends and family – ourselves – and even the awe of fireworks, and trust that God has something even greater - a freedom that extends beyond that moment and challenges us to live life to the full.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for my freedom. I know that it was bought at a price – the price of your precious son.  Please help me to remember that, not only today, but every day.  Help my words to be kind and uplifting, Jesus, and help me to remember that all things pass through Your hands, even when I don’t understand why. 
I love you.
Amen