What To Do When I am Mad

“Don’t sin by letting your anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent.” Psalm 4:4

     I was angry.  Not just angry, but ugly angry.  I wanted to give that guy a piece of my mind.  He had ticked me off, and I wanted him to know it…

     How many of us have done or said something in the heat of anger, that we later deeply regretted?  

     Anybody with me?  

     David instructs us with these words in Psalm 4:4, “Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent,” (NLT).  Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:26, “And don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives foothold to the devil,” (NLT). 

So…what am I supposed to do?  Be quiet and ignore my anger?  Sleep on it?  Not sleep on it? Oh, the choices to make on this side of heaven…

     Luckily, we can know what to do with our anger, and while these passages may seem as if they are contradicting to one another, a closer look in the Word reveals they are very complimentary.

     One thing they both have in common, and one we must understand, is that they tell us that in our anger we must not sin.  Neither one says we cannot be angry.  Anger is simply an emotion; however, when we give into our emotions, and let them drive our behavior – that’s when we are most likely led to sin. 

     In Psalm 4:4, David, tells us to think about it overnight and remain silent. Now, I don’t know about you, but often times, the more I think about something that ticks me off, the more angry I become!  So, how could thinking about it make things better?  But notice David says, think about it overnight. Overnight?  Overnight?!   Yes…overnight.  You see, during the night, it is dark and difficult to see – we certainly cannot see things clearly; yet, in the morning, at the first break of dawn, the sun casts its brilliant light into the shadows to help us see things differently – beyond the boundaries of the darkness, where we can discover truth.

     We are also instructed in Philippians 4:8, “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise,” (NLT).  Perhaps, it is not our anger that we are to think about or dwell on.  I believe David is telling us to think about the truth.  What really happened, and what is it that we are really angry about?  Are we angry because someone has sinned against us – wronged us?  And if that is the case, what does Jesus instruct us to do?  Have we ourselves, not sinned against God? 

     And yet, He offers forgiveness.

     Maybe that is why David also tells us to remain silent.  Proverbs 29:11 says, “Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back,” (NLT).   Even Job cried out, “Teach me, and I will be silent; make me understand how I have gone astray.” Job 6:24 (NLT).  I think that is why we can learn so much, when we shut up and listen – especially when the voice we are listening to and for, is the voice of God – the Light that comes overnight – piercing through the darkness with rays of hope.   Perhaps David’s words are best captured through the English Standard Version for us to understand, “…ponder in your own hearts on your own beds, and be silent.”  

     I believe this is what Paul is telling us to do, too, when he warns us, “And don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.”  He is not telling us to quickly get in an apology, or to dismiss our anger, or sweep it under the rug.  He is telling us to deal with it.  To make it right with God and in our hearts before the darkness settles in around us – before we allow the darkness in that shadows the truth. 

     The moment we allow our anger to breed in the dark, the uglier and more dangerous it becomes.  It begins to grow and consume us.  No, we must not allow the sun to set on our anger.  Instead, we must persevere by surrendering our thoughts to the only One who can pull us through - the One who is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable – the One who is excellent and praiseworthy.    That is why we are instructed to remain silent, and to think about it, because only Jesus can instruct us on the appropriate way to respond.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for your Word.  Thank you for revealing more and more to me, as I spend time with you each day.  Your Word is my daily bread, and I am humbled that you would share it with me.  May your Spirit continue to grow in me in such a way that only point to you.
I ask this in your precious name,
Amen

Leave Everything?

“So Levi got up, left everything, and followed him.” Luke 5:28

Many times when my children ask me to come over and look at something, or help with something, my response is often, “Okay, one minute, let me first finish – fill in the blank – and then I’ll be right there.”  In my reading this morning, I’m reminded that when Jesus asked his disciples to come and follow him, they responded immediately.  They dropped everything and followed Jesus.  Sometimes, I often skim over this verse and think, “Well, of course they left everything to follow Jesus!  It was Jesus!” But isn’t this the same Jesus that calls me to follow him today? 

I mean, it doesn’t say, “First Levi went back to take care of…” or “Simon then tied up his boat and sold his fishing nets so he would have enough money to journey with Jesus.”  It simply says, they left EVERYTHING and followed Jesus. 

A couple of years ago, my dear soul sista advised me to pray and find one word that I feel God is asking me to focus on throughout the year.  This year, my word is “Follow”.  That’s it.  Just follow.  It’s probably no coincidence then that I would land on this verse this morning.  But what does it look like today, in the year 2013, to leave everything and follow Jesus?

I have to admit, this sounds harder to me than I want to confess.  I mean, leave everything?  How would I survive?  How would my family make it?  What about my house, my car, my job?

I’ve often heard it said the devil’s in the details.  Boy, doesn’t that sum it up?  I mean, the devil wants me to fret and worry about the “how to’s” – what I will do, where money will come from, how it will work out – because if I’m focusing on those things, it paralyzes me from doing anything – especially following Jesus. 

How many of us really abandon everything and follow Jesus when he calls us to do so?  If you are anything like me, your response is probably similar to the one I give my kiddos.  “Okay, one minute, Jesus, first let me clean the kitchen,” or “One second, let me first wrap this up,” or “Jesus, you can’t possibly mean me. Let me clean myself up first.  Then you can use me.”  And we get caught up in the distractions and doubts, and instead of leaving everything, we continue pushing the call farther and farther away, until the devil convinces us that it’s too late to respond.

But it is never too late for God!  God doesn’t measure our days by the clock on our wall or the watch on our wrist.  He measures it through moments. 

What if now is our moment?  What if now is when Jesus is calling us to follow him?

Does the thought seem overwhelming to you?  Because, if I’m one hundred percent honest… it does to me.  I wish I could just say, “You got it! Easy-peasy, Jesus.  You asked me to follow, so here I go!”  But then I wonder, what does this mean?  Does it mean I’m supposed to quit my job?  Give everything away?  Move?

And that is what overwhelms me – the not knowing.  Not knowing for certain what Jesus is asking me to do.  And the not knowing comes from not spending time with Him.  Because, if you have spent any time at all with God, you know that when the Spirit is prompting you to do something – He doesn’t usually let you forget it!  So in those moments when I am feeling overwhelmed, the best thing I can do is spend some quiet time with my Dad.  To follow Him to a quiet spot, and share with Him my concerns, my fears, and my doubts.  

What I’ve learned that in those moments, is that God is an amazing listener, and when I spend more and more time with Him, he teaches me to become a good listener, too.  “Follow me,” He says, “listen and learn by my example.”

Maybe that means when Jesus sits down to eat “with such scum” (Luke 5:30), I follow him…and I share the Bread of Life with them.

Maybe that means when Jesus reaches out to heal the leper (Luke 5:13), I follow him…and I offer my hand to them.

Maybe that means when Jesus withdraws to lonely places (Luke 5:16), I follow him…and I pray with Him.

What God whispers to me is different than what He whispers to you.  But I think the underlying message to each of us is probably the same.

“Follow me,” He says.

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for your example.  Thank you for leading me, and guiding my steps.  Help me to stay close to you, so that I know your voice and what it is you are calling me to do.  May I be a good and faithful servant, trusting in you always.  Thank you for hearing my prayer.
In you precious name,
Amen

New Year's Resolutions

“I will be your God throughout your lifetime-until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.” Isaiah 46:4

Go to the gym. Lose ten pounds. Follow a gluten-free diet. Read my Bible every day.  Spend more time with my family. Read more.  Watch TV less.

I am sad to admit that all of these  things seem to find their place on my New Year’s Resolution list every year.  And every year, what once seemed so attainable in the beginning gets bogged down and lost in the daily routines and distractions of life.  I don’t ever accomplish them as I hoped I would, and I fail.  

It’s a terrible feeling- failing.  And yet, most every year, I set myself up again for the same let down.

So, as I sat there thinking yesterday about New Year resolutions, it occurred to me how lousy I am at accomplishing the resolutions I’ve set for myself, and I decided I’m not going to make any – and I’m certainly not going to say them out loud or write them down!  I mean, it’s never done me any good in the past, why go through all the mental torture of that again.  I just don’t have the self-discipline. 

But then I thought about God’s Word.  I remembered how His Word is living, and life-changing.  That His promises are true.  That God does what He says He will.

 I meditated on that alone – God’s faithfulness. 

I pondered on the thought and care that God poured into the Bible.  That we might know and love Him through His Word.  That He, Himself, is written on the thin and crinkled pages of our Bibles – waiting each day to show us what He has done and will continue to do.  It’s there - written down – accomplished. 

After thinking about those things, my attitude changed.  I realized how much I really do want to accomplish the goals I set.  I mean, it’s not like they are bad goals; in fact, they are often quite the opposite- goals that would lead me to a healthier lifestyle, and in the end isn’t that what we are all after?

As I think about 2012 coming to an end, I’m a little sad.  I’m sure there are many of you that can’t wait for the year to end, but for me, it was a great year.  I learned – really learned – a lot about myself and who I am in Christ Jesus – even more – I believe it.  Christ has instilled in me, a new found confidence and hope. I believe with all my heart, that He can and will do all He says He will.  It’s a little unsettling to be so bold, and yet, while I am uncertain, I am not afraid (anymore). 

God promises me that He will be MY God. That He will be with me my WHOLE life!  He MADE me, and will CARRY me.  And He will SAVE me.  God doesn’t need a New Year’s resolution to accomplish those things – His Word is enough.  God does – and will do – those things because He says He will.

I want to be like that.  I want to do the things I say I’m going to do.  I want my word to be enough - that not only will others believe me, but that I will believe and trust myself, because I trust in the power of God.    

James 5:12 tells us, “But most of all, my brothers and sisters, never take an oath, by heaven or earth or anything else. Just say a simple yes or no, so that you will not sin and be condemned.”  As Christians we are called to live trustworthy lives.  Does it not first start with ourselves?

Almost everyone views January 1^st as a new beginning - a fresh start, but let us not forget that His mercies are new EVERY morning, and that we can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us.  Perhaps, instead of putting my hope in a list of “new beginnings” and “healthier living goals”, I should start with a much simpler goal…putting my hope in the One who can renew my spirit daily with time in His Word. 

Sure, there are many other tasks and goals I want to accomplish in 2013.  But my first and only New Year’s resolution I really want to achieve is this:  daily one-on-one time with my best friend, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  This is the New Year’s resolution that will change my life more than any other.  Because, “In the beginning the Word already existed.  The Word was with God, and the Word was God.” John 1:1

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you so much for your Word.  Thank you for loving us enough, that you sent your Son, Jesus, to die for our sins, and to save us from your wrath.  Lord, thank you, for your faithfulness.  Please help me to be reminded that I can do all things through you – that you have already given me the self-discipline to do what I say I will.  Help me to doubt myself less because I am trusting you more.  I ask all of this in your holy and precious name.
Amen.

What Should I Wear?

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” Colossians 3:12

I am not a real girly-girl.  Sometimes I think I’d like to be, and other times I try to be…but when it really comes down to it, I just want to be comfortable.  In fact, I would choose a comfortable sweatshirt over a pair of cute heels any day!  But, there’s something about dressing with “style” that makes me feel better about myself.  Now, it’s not that I have any sense of what style is, but I can do a pretty good job of matching my outfit with what I see in the Sunday ads – if I happen to have those items of clothing on hand.  But if I have to go shopping..look out!  Rarely will I ever go shopping for clothes for myself alone – my sisters or a friend are a must (God bless them!).  But if I’m in a bind where no one can go with me, I will just buy what is on the mannequin.  And if the poor mannequin is wearing my size…I have no shame in stripping the mannequin!  A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do sometimes, right?

Anyway, Tuesday this week was a bit of a hectic morning for me.  I’d lost track of time, and really lacked motivation to get going anyway, but then came the challenge of finding something to wear.  I’m sure you ladies can relate.  After trying on five different outfits and combinations, I was out of time and out of creativity (and we’d already thrown out the Sunday paper, so there was no match-it-up combos going on this morning!), so the last outfit on had to be the one I wore.

As I scrambled to get my things together and out the door, I thought about how often we allow our appearance to dictate our attitudes.  I mean, what is it about dressing “classy” that makes us feel better about ourselves?  And why do others treat us differently when we are dressed like a mannequin from a department store versus someone who just crawled out of bed (don’t worry, my sister has reassured me that lounge pants are NOT acceptable as outdoor wear…not even at Wal-mart).

Paul in Colossians, writes, ““Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” (Colossians 3:12)  I LOVE The Message version of this passage:

“So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.” (Colossians 3:12-14)

And regardless of what else you put on, wear love.  How cool is that.  Imagine, if we wore love all the time – even in our lounge pants – how others would treat us?  Better yet, imagine how we would feel about ourselves and how that would lead us to treat others? 

Even as I sit here typing this, this morning, I am running through today’s appointments in my mind and contemplating what to wear…oh, the challenge of being human!  One thing I will not forget to put on?  My basic, all-purpose garment, Love.

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for being with me today.  Thank you for singing over me and covering me. Please help me to remember that when I cover myself in love, the rest of my attire doesn’t matter.  I pray that when others see LOVE on me, they will see You.

In Your Name,
Amen

Looking Up

“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.” Psalm 19:1

I don’t know where you live, but if you live anywhere in the Midwest and you haven’t taken a moment to stand in awe of the absolutely gorgeous sunrises and sunsets, you are missing out! 

Too many times we allow ourselves to only see the negative in things.   I don’t know if it’s because we are always in a hurry and we lost our patience along the way, or if we were just never taught to stop and take a breath – to stop and smell the roses, and look at the sky, and admire the colors before us.  God created such a colorful world that shouts his creativity and design EVERY DAY.  And yet, so many times, we miss it.

Our world tells us to “Hurry up!” and “Keep up!”, but what if that is all a ploy of the enemy to keep us from seeing the beauty of God?  Every morning and every evening, I have the pleasure of driving on HWY 370 with the rest of rush hour traffic.  It would be very deceiving if I said that the traffic and idiotic drivers did not annoy me from time to time – unfortunately, it happens more than I’d like to admit.  But, on the flip side, here’s what I get to see every morning.

 

And here’s what I get to see every evening on my way home. 

 

I know to most folks driving it’s just a sunrise that glares too brightly in their windshields, but to me, it’s a gift.  It’s a beautiful living and moving piece of art…just for me. 

What do you see today that reflects the love and creativity of God - that He would take such care and thought in its design?  Is it the colors in the autumn leaves, twirling as they fall?  The sunlight reflecting rays across a pond?  The clouds transforming seamlessly from one moment to the next?  Perhaps it’s a bird, soaring and dancing on the wind, or an acrobatic squirrel scurrying from limb to limb.  Maybe it’s the way your child squints his eyes when he smiles, or the way your excited puppy prances around your feet.  Whatever it is, just take a moment to really let it sink in.  This is life!  It should be embraced and cherished…and enjoyed. 

That may be difficult for some of us…to look up.  I don’t know what obstacles are before you, or what challenges you are facing; I can’t imagine what dreams are lying shattered on the floor at your feet.  But I know The One who can help you put the pieces back together.  And I know there is another, who wants nothing more than to keep you looking down at the brokenness in your life – to keep you wondering how any of this could ever make any sense at all.  But that is why I am challenging you – and myself – to see life!  To see that God is still in control!

“’Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?’” (Matthew 6:26) Look around you, God has not forgotten you.  Even in those times when we feel He is silent, the earth declares His presence!  The heavens declare it!

Dear Heavenly Father,

Oh, how great are your works, Lord!  The skies shout and proclaim the work of your hand!  Please help me to see YOU today, Father.  Don’t just open my eyes, but refresh them, Father, that I would see you in everything.  That I might know your magnitude by the vastness of the sky, and see that your eye is on the sparrow – simply by acknowledging your design in the life around me – and trust how much more you must care for me.   Thank you.

In Your Name Alone,

Amen

The Infection in my Heart

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10 (ESV)

A few years ago, my step-daughter wrote a song, "Nasty Scab".  In her song she speaks about a hurt caused by someone in her past, and how every time she thinks of that person it’s just like ripping off a nasty scab – an infection that never seems to heal – one that causes pain every time it’s touched.  I love the simple depth of her lyrics, and think most of us can probably relate.

When we fail to deal with a hurt from our past, it leads to an infection in our heart - sometimes, we don’t even know it’s there.  For me, the hurt caused by a person in my past was buried so deep, I didn’t even know its manifestation was preventing me from experiencing life.  I had just sealed off that part of my heart – that part of my soul – and refused to let it ever breathe again. 

It’s not difficult to live that way – almost all of us to do it to some extent.  Once we’ve been hurt, we learn to keep people at a safe distance.  We don’t allow anyone too close – especially anyone who might have the potential to hurt us that way again.  Sometimes, there are moments when we think we might feel something – something that reminds us that we are not fully alive – that there’s more we could be experiencing – more we could be feeling.  More we could be living. 

But out of fear, we ignore the urge to seek recovery, and instead push the “something” far from our thoughts and continue partially living in a phony existence, while the hurt festers in our soul.

I was this girl.

What I didn’t realize, was that by ignoring my need for healing, I was preventing myself from living. I didn’t realize that the part of my heart that was sealed off from feeling hurt again, was also sealed off from feeling love again.  There was no way for love to come in, because there was no way for the infection to come out.

In fact, the only way to get the infection out was to open the wound again…

Through a series of events, God allowed the abscess in my heart to swell and finally expel the hurt that was buried so deep in my soul.  I would be lying to you if I said it was not painful.  It was excruciating.  But my gentle Surgeon was patient and understanding.  He stayed with me, and held my hand and wiped my tears, as He tenderly washed away the painful memories that tainted my heart. 

God knew something I didn’t.  He knew I would not be able to live completely, until I could love completely.

It was impossible for me to love God and others with my whole heart, because my whole heart wasn’t available.  Part of it had been closed up and sealed off.  I was in desperate need of open heart surgery.  Light needed to be shed in that dark spot, so God could wash away all of the broken debris that was littering my heart.  Once the wound was open and everything was out, it didn’t ache anymore.  The pain was gone.

For the first time in a very long time, I could feel again.  I could feel everything.  It was real.  I could feel love and I could feel sorrow, but it didn’t matter because all of it meant that I was alive!  I was completely alive.  I could love God with all my heart, and all my soul, and all my strength because I was whole.

That was several years ago.  My wound is not gone – but healed. A scar now resides in its place.  Like most scars, it has faded with time, but it will never go away completely.  I’m okay with that though because that particular scar changed my life…completely.   

Dearest Father,

You are the Master Surgeon, the One who heals all wounds.  Your hand is gentle and steady and trustworthy.  Thank you for performing surgeries that our hearts so often need.  Please help us to look at our scars with gratitude -  that you would love us enough to rescue us and restore us. Please help us to trust you more, so that we may live our whole life more completely.

In Your Most Precious and Holy Name,

Amen

The Council That Counsels

“Without good direction, people lose their way;
the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances.” Proverbs 11:14 (The Message)

Although the response from them may not always make you comfortable, and sometimes you wish they hadn’t opened their big mouth at all, there is nothing more valuable than a group of godly friends from whom you can seek advice.

There are a few friends I have that are my “Council”.  Most of those beautiful ladies are in my Life Group.  Every Thursday night we gather under one roof (with the most amazing hostess!) and we share our experiences of life together. But more than “share”, we do life together.  These are the ones who know most things about us that others do not…and love us anyway.  These are the ones that possess the courage to tell us when we are wrong, when others would cower away.  These are the ones that are more than friends…they are family.

Last night, was unofficially “Ladies’ Night” (unofficially, because it wasn’t planned, but just happened out that way), but I think God had that night planned just for us – sorry guys, but I think it’s true!  I myself was in a foul mood for no reason at all (anyone with me?), another one of us had just experienced a mini-tidal wave in her basement, another sister was being held captive by the clutches of life’s anxieties, and another was faced with the challenges of where to go when a chapter of life closes, and I’m sure my other sisters there also had trials they were facing.  And yet we were all there.   Doing this thing called life together.

I cannot tell you the peace that comes from knowing you have a group of friends you can trust – I’m afraid that is something that can only come from experiencing it yourself.  But to know you have a place where you can go to just be yourself – broken and sinful – and still be accepted, must be the closest thing to Jesus’ embrace that we can feel on this side of heaven. And I can tell you, too, I don’t doubt at all Who was responsible for putting our little Ohana Group together.  There is such a wonderful blend of wisdom, patience, and love between all of us, I know it could have only been orchestrated by The One Who Loves us more.

C. S. Lewis states, “The next best thing to being wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are.”  The brother knew what he was talking about.  The ESV says, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.”  I am not wise by any means, but I know how to recognize the Spirit of God and the safety of His Council.  And He is certainly reigning in the hearts of these amazing people.  I would be lost without them. 

Dear Heavenly Father,

I thank you so much for this wonderful group of people.  Thank you for orchestrating our group and allowing us to share this season of life together.  Please keep your hand and Spirit upon us.  Thank you for hearing my prayer.
In Your Name,
Amen