"When I Don't Understand" by Kimi Miller

“Have you never heard?
Have you never understood?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
No one can measure the depths of his understanding.” Isaiah 40:28

Last night Nathan, my twelve year old son, was talking to me about what he learned in youth group.  He said they were talking about seasons in your life when you are close to God, and when you not.  On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the closest you could be, Nathan thought he was probably an 8.  My heart bubbled over with joy.  I couldn’t decide if I was more excited that Nathan felt close to God, or that he was sharing it with me! 

Not trying to ruin this mother-son bonding moment, all I could tell him was to continue staying as close to God as he could, because the minute he starts walking away is when he’ll start to make some really dumb decisions.  He went on to tell me that sometimes he blames God for bad things, like when his aunt’s dog, Winnie, died, but he knew God had a reason.  He just didn’t understand why or what it would be.  Oh, my Nathan.  If I could share with you the times I, too, have been there – asking God why. 

MercyMe has a new song (I’m sure you’ve heard it), The Hurt and The Healer. In the first verse of the song Bart sings, “Why?  The question that is never far away. But healing doesn’t come from the explained.”  Sometimes it’s too difficult for us to even comprehend the why or the how of things, but healing must come from somewhere.  Could it be that it is found in the peace of knowing our God is sovereign – that even though we may never understand, He does?

I’ve heard it often said that God is more concerned with the condition of our hearts, than our comfort.  I think this is true.  God wants our hearts soft to him.  He wants us to trust him completely.  Even if there are times when we walk away from him, though we may change, God never does.  He is the same as he was…and is…always.  He is the everlasting God.  The One True Living God!

No matter where we are in our lives – whether we are a 1 or an 8 – God is not ever as far away as He might seem.  If we reverse the scale to measure how close God is to us, He will always be a constant 10 – closer to us than we can ever imagine – even in the times when we don’t understand the how or the why. 

I have found that the greatest peace comes from letting go of my need to know why by trusting my need for the One who knows the why.    

Dear God,

Thank you for the moments that cause us to ask why.  But even more, thank you for the “why” that leads us to You.  Please help us to remember that even when things don’t seem to make sense to us, they make perfect sense to you.  Our ways are not your ways, our thoughts are not your thoughts.  Jesus, please help us to keep our eyes on you, and challenge us to draw nearer to you – especially when we think we might be a “10”.  Thank you for your sovereignty, your mercy, and your grace. I thank you most for your love.
In the most precious name I know,
Amen